So, Who watched Momma's Boys? I didn't mean to. I reserve my television for times where no Turkeys will interrupt, and I can really veg. But tonight my jaw is 2 times it's normal size thanks to an impacted wisdom tooth that my dentist was "positive" didn't need to come out. Not the first time my x-ray's have turned out to be liars, so I happen to have antibiotics and Vicodin here. Vicodin and I have a love hate relationship. If it weren't addictive I might take it just to get my house clean. Don't know why...but it makes me want to scour every inch of my house with bleach & lysol. It also makes me z-o-n-e. So, I somehow got sucked into watching parts of the new TV show on NBC. I wouldn't have, cause I'm SO much stronger than that (ya friggin right) BUT...I know one of those chicks!
They showed her face while she was speaking, and she caught my eye from my place underneath the recliner where every dadgum dustbunny in the entire world goes to die. Her name is Rana, and it said she's from Dallas, but I'm 99% sure she's really from ****** (EDIT: You know..there just might be a reason her real city wasn't listed, so I took that part out.) I think that I worked with her at a restaurant called Bahama Breeze. 'Back in the day'. Before I hooked up with the law firm, before I hightailed my fanny to the mountains, I'm almost totally sure that I knew that chick.
And, it made me feel kinda like a rockstar. So, wherever you are Rana...What's up chick? ...I REALLY want some coconut prawns right now. Thanks for the trip down memory lane! And, if I don't know you...this is some freaky dream or someshizz...I'm sorry. I won't stalk you, I promise.
PS..HOSTESS! I think. Man. This is really gonna bug me.
PPS..I stole that picture from NBC's website... Please don't sue me.
PPPS..I would totally ruin my boys chances on that show. Poor girls wouldn't know what hit 'em.
I think, today, I finally got into the spirit of this Christmas. The two older Turkeys are down with another stomach bug, so we spent the day watching Christmas DVD's. Ate tons of popcorn, and the baby and I polished off an entire bag of candy cane oreos. My oldest developed an affinity to peppermint tea (I knew it was only a matter of time) and I sent the neighbor kid home with the rest of the cookies and fudge sitting on the counter-top.
It was quiet, and lazy, and just what I needed to remind me that this is what Christmas, or any holiday, is about. Hanging out with the people you love the most, doing the things that make you smile and feel good inside, and not worrying about what tomorrow is going to bring.
I've been taking care of a kitty that doesn't belong to me for a while now. His owner lived in a neighborhood on a busy road in Ft. Worth, and this cat doesn't allow you to leave him indoors. So, I took him in. Hey...free cat food.
About a week after my beloved Tigie went missing, the house-guest kitty (Simba) came home one evening quite lethargic. The next morning he started to hemorrhage, and continued bleeding for about an hour. With no way to get him to a vet, and no money to afford one..I took care of him the best I could. After about 3 days, he started acting better. He was walking around, eating, drinking without me holding the bowl under his nose. He was still 'leaking', not blood..but not good either (gross, I'm sorry) so I had to keep him in the garage. Then in my bathroom once it got too cold outside. The last 2 days, he's been slowly losing steam. He was lethargic again, couldn't eat or drink without my help. Yesterday, it was again warm enough to put him in the garage. My bathroom had started to stink pretty bad, regardless of how many times I put out clean sheets.
I knew when I carried him back to the garage that he was a goner. His eyes were glazed over, and he was so limp. When I put him down, he stood there shaking until I moved his body into a laying position. At some point, he moved to the concrete floor and stretched out. My guess is he had a high fever, and died sometime in the night.
At this moment, the kids don't know. I'm waiting on Simba's owner to come take care of his body. The garage door is locked, so the kids won't inadvertently find him. I am pissed off at this 'friend' of mine. The cat wasn't important enough for him to drive out here and get to a vet. But he offered to come 'get rid of him' for me days ago. I assumed that meant abandoning a very sick animal, which wasn't exactly an option. I didn't love Simba, but I couldn't allow him to be tossed aside like that...while he was still living, anyway.
Theres also the little fact that Tigie is still missing. Though, I really can't say I believe he's alive anymore. Watching Simba go through this hell made me very paranoid that someone is either purposely or stupidly hurting animals around here. Something isn't right, and I can only pray if that is the case, that Tigie didn't hold on as long as Simba did.
I was never a cat person. Once, a long time ago.. I had Gypsy. I loved her, but never felt the need to replace her when she jumped over the balcony to go make a family, and never returned. Tiger was my lovey. He was a link to my best friend, and I cherished him all the more for that. I've missed him for almost 3 weeks now, and held out hope that he'd come home to me. Even after Simba became so ill, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was watching him die of the same thing that took Tiger from me. I didn't want to believe what I felt deep down.
We know when we lose something precious to us. If we listen to our hearts, we'll hear the truth. I've known Tiger was gone, and couldn't or wouldn't admit it to myself. So, I'm admitting it now. I'm laying him to rest in my heart and letting go.
Turkey #1 was an elf in her school pageant. Her only line was, "Don't worry Mrs. Claus...we'll figure it out!" And, like a pro~she nailed it. What she didn't nail was her costume. This thing has been in the works since last month. She was originally going to be a stuffed animal, but requested a speaking line instead.
After spending the weekend with her Father & Step-Monster, she came home empty handed, even though we'd agreed he would handle the costume part of the play. I explained to the 3 of them that it's highly unlikely that I'll be able to find a cab willing to carry me to 39 different stores in search of a freaking elf costume, and that they would have to deal with it by Tuesday night. To my amazement, they did. They were back Monday with a perfect costume, and promises that they won't let things like this fall through the cracks anymore. (Yea, right.)
Regardless, she looked adorable and did an amazing job! Cause she rocks! Anyway, that's all I have time for. I'm a slave to the kitchen until all the neighbors know how much I appreciate them watching my back, and not running over my children while they're outside playing.
I still have a surprise, but it's waiting until after Christmas. Boo! Hiss! I know...I'm sorry. I wasn't given a choice in the matter. OK, so I was..and I chose. But, it's for your own good. I promise. OK, seriously...there are cookies burning. What the hell? I thought I had at least another 2 minutes.
You deserve a Christmas present. You do! I saw you on Santa's nice list the other night when we met up in the ghetoo! But, since Santa has much younger folks to concern himself with these days, he's not gonna just wrap up a little sumthin-sumthin for you without some effort on your part.
Don't get all worried. I know you have a lot to do. Presents to wrap, cookies to bake, and parties to plan...so this isn't going to be difficult. Just go here, leave a comment and if Santa picks you you'll get some goodies! If he doesn't, then keep reading and I promise you'll find something you can make for yourself that will fill the void. (And if you hate crafty things, then maybe you'll pick up some tips on how to never pay for toothpaste or toilet tissue again!) But hurry...I hear Santa has a spontaneous streak, and you never know when he'll click that button!
I hope everyone is having a lovely and peaceful Sunday afternoon. I know I am. An elf showed up and whispered in my ear. I can't tell you what he told me yet because it'll ruin the surprise, but stay tuned...because it's for you!
I am the kind of person who wraps my mind around something and doesn't let go. I'll obsess over things that are irrelevant to my life simply because it tugged at something inside me. Maybe I'm just bored. Yea...that's it. I'm bored and need a better hobby than any of the 34 I already have.
The last few days I've been obsessing over Caylee Anthony. I've watched all the jailhouse visits between her Mother, Casey and her Grandparents. I'm sickened at the lack of emotion Casey Anthony has shown her child and her family. I don't doubt that something is missing inside this woman that caused her to remove herself from Mother-hood, but I can't understand the blase attitude. At least fake some remorse!
In one of the first visits Grandmother says to Casey, "Caylee's third birthday is right around the corner, Casey..we have to find her before then. Caylee has to be home before her third birthday" Casey responded with, "Caylee is my first priority too Mom." But her voice sounds more annoyed than concerned. She never cries, never pleads for the safe return of her baby, who she long ago claimed has been kidnapped. I can't understand that. I can't understand her waiting a month to mention that her baby was missing either, so I suppose the difference lies somewhere in our genetic makeup.
It's an irrational emotion, but I feel guilty for every baby that's been abused. Baby, child, teenager, adult, senior citizen, animal...it doesn't matter. I have that lingering feeling that something should have been done, and why wasn't it? I believe that people who witness abuse and keep their silence are just as guilty as those who strike the blow.
Call me a nosy bitch...but if a 'friend' of mine couldn't figure out where her baby was for even a moment, I'd personally be on the phone with 911 regardless of the bullshit spewing from the woman's mouth. Casey Anthony is a psychopath. She's shown no remorse for her missing child, except for flatly stated comments that could have been read from a cue card. I pray the state of Florida gives her the maximum penalty available by law, and that hell is even worse than her nightmares.
I also pray that the citizens of Florida don't buy the bull$hit insanity case that she's more than likely going to start screaming once the remains that were found today come back conclusive.
Merry Christmas Casey Anthony. I hope they release you into general population soon. You deserve it!
I had a check that I really, really needed to turn into cash. I bank with USAA, and do not (nor have I ever) had a single credit card..even with them. This is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it keeps me out of debt. A curse because it can take up to 3 weeks from the date I mail a check to them before it shows up in my account. Usually not a problem. Yesterday? Big Problem. But, I digress... By the time my friend was able to get off work and drive the half hour it takes to get to my house, our options were fairly limited. I was also dealing with a 2 party check and only had a copy of the 2nd persons ID to prove the validity so I kinda figured I was going to be SOL.
After being shot down twice, my friend said he knew of a place in Ft. Worth that was still open so we took off. (Mind you, my children were also grumbling in the backseat and demanding McDonalds as though they owned me!) Over an hour and a half after we originally left the house, we finally pulled up to a gas station. And, I'm looking at my friend like he's gone twice baked potato on me. Because really? A gas station?
We went inside and it's dingy. And, dirty. And, I wanted to take my babies and run. But, not in that neighborhood! The guy behind the counter barely spoke English, but made it clear that he didn't care about the 2nd party on the check. "Give me Check!" After looking it over, he told me that he couldn't cash it because it was dated November 11, 2008. And, it's now December. Hu-What? I, of course, started explaining to him that the check had to first reach one destination, be signed by party #1 then mailed to me, where I've had to wait for an opportunity to leave the house and get it cashed. I was interrupted by my friend, (who I've known for 8 years and thought I knew all of his friends, and their friends, and blah blah blah) He told the guy behind the counter, "Ricky said to cash that check." To which counter guy straightened up, blinked, and said "You verify that?" My friend pulled out his cell phone and called 'Ricky' who talked to counter guy briefly before hanging up. My check was cashed with no more questions, while my friend took the kiddos back to his truck.
Afterwards, instead of driving back towards the highway, we pulled into a landscaping parking lot where there was another truck waiting. With 'Ricky' inside. I said my (still bewildered) Thank You's. But I swear, that wasn't Ricky. It was Santa Claus. He had the beard and everything. I didn't find out until we were already headed back to my house, Santa had co-signed my check! I've never met this man, but he told the guy behind the counter to cash my check, and he'd cover any problems if they arose. (I'm assuming I'm not the first person he's done this for, as the guy behind the counter didn't hesitate once he got the go-ahead.)
So. Yep. Santa saved my a$$. The real deal, and you can't convince me any differently. Straight jackets be damned, I'll be waiting on the roof with cookies and hot cocoa this year!~
So, no pictures. The spare camera is still in hiding. But we made it to the church today, and even though there was no-one there we left our box of goodies on the pulpit with a note. We decided to sign it "Santa Claus"...even though I felt a tad bit guilty for doing so in a church. Please don't ask me why. I don't have an answer!
The kids were more excited about leaving it anonymously than the fact that someone else would benefit...but that's the point right? To teach them to give without reason, without needing additional recognition. As usual, they make me so proud. Someone mentioned to me today that they heard a crazy woman on the train muttering to herself. At one point she said, "children are what keep single parents going in life..." and the woman in hearing distance suddenly thought that maybe she wasn't quite so crazy after all.. Truer words have never been spoken. I don't think my friend knew quite how much that statement hit me, or how much I cherish those words..but I'll never forget them. (Thank you!)
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
I've had a client sitting on the fence for quite some time now. I try not to pressure people, because that's not my style...but I put the squeeze on today. I basically lied my ass off and said that I only have time for ONE more client, and have someone else that wants to sign with me. He bit. Thank You God. So, I want to apologize to my newest client. I'm sorry I lied to you. Don't ever read my blog. And don't ever tell a single woman with kids, "Well, I've never done this before, so you could charge me triple and I wouldn't know the difference." Be very happy that I am in a giving mood this holiday season and didn't decide to rip you off for being an ignorant fool who didn't do his homework. It's web design. Not brain surgery. Now, get that check in the mail. PRONTO!!!
Yesterday, I was crying into my pillow because I felt like the worlds biggest failure. Today, I've made up half of what the jackass stole from me on top of paying The Bills. (FYI...pawn shops are nasty. Just nasty.) We're out of the woods. And even though life isn't as rosy as it looked a week ago, it's going to pan out. My kids have no idea that there was a hiccup in our little world, and that makes this whole experience a win! I don't mean to brag...but I'm SUPERMOM today!!
Today started off with the stuff nightmares are made out of. At least for someone who's sole responsibility in life it is to protect and cherish 3 other beings. I 'saw the light'.... and cried for way too long with my face shoved into a pillow and the door closed. Oh, the looks on my poor dogs faces...
I'm not a pansy though. I'm not a shrinking violet, or a wallflower, or a doormat. I'm not your bitch! (Sorry Madonna...it's my line now.) I will come out on top. Again.
The most importing thing is bills, and after taking a good hard look around, I think I've got that figured out. Take THAT,you bastard covered bastard with bastard filling! ;-) I'd say some smart a$$ comment like, "Next time, try harder!" But, I'm afraid that's askin' for trouble!
Christmas for me is about the happiness that comes from families all being together and going crazy. The look on my nieces & nephews faces as they open their gifts, the crowd, the food, the music...but most of all, it's about the memory we create. I want my children to have wonderful memories of every Christmas of their lives. Am I pissed that I won't be able to buy them the bad ass gifts I'd planned? Yep. But, I'm not going to allow this unfortunate soul to ruin the time of year where I thrive the most.
We don't need extra money to make a beautiful Christmas memory that my kiddos will cherish forever. All we need is a kitchen, a kind heart, and a walk to the Church behind our house. We've been cooking all afternoon. So far we've made a crapload of fudge, a dozen of the most amazing muffins ever, and cinnamon hard candy. I'm going to keep at it until they get home from school tomorrow and we're going to take baskets to the pastor of the Church. I'm sure there are a few more people in his congregation that he can think of who could use some deliciousness, and no one died last time. (So far as I know!)
While we were waiting for the candy to boil, my oldest and I talked about how difficult things are right now ~ for everybody. She told me about kids at school who still aren't wearing coats, because they have none, and how her friend's Mom just took off and left Dad alone with 5 kids. (I've met them, I had no idea...) The entire time we worked she talked about her concern for things that shouldn't matter to a 10 year old, and it made me so proud. She sees it too, and she doesn't want to sit around and wait for someone else to fix it. She wants to DO something. I love her so much! She and her brother decided to clean out their closets of things that no longer fit, or they don't need. (We live in TX now...surely we can get rid of half of the 4,374 coats we've got lying around) I won the task of sorting and making sure we don't send any of the less gently used things out.
So again, Screw you Sergio. I've got this situation under control. You knocked me down ~ and it sucked! But you forgot, I'm a Mama. We don't have the option of staying down. We will always find the silver lining, because we have to. And there are little people watching our every move, who do exactly as we do.
Tomorrow, I am going to tear my house apart to find that extra camera. It has to be here somewhere... When we make our trek to the church, I plan to take tons of pictures of the kids dragging their loot to give, and later I'll put together a photo album for the them. When they think back to this Christmas, they'll remember how much fun we're having baking and talking to each other. And, how good it felt to do something for someone else. What they won't remember is Mommy being stressed out and panicked over something that is out of my control.
And, I love you my bloggy friends. The comments and emails I received today were at the same time uplifting, saucy, and hilarious. You guys helped jumpstart my ass out of pity-party mode, and back into gear. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
(I am officially screwed. There goes Christmas. Shit. There goes, EVERYTHING. Without getting too into detail, suffice it to say that the X has struck again. A click of his mouse, and $1500 gone from my world. There's another $1000 floating around that I may or may not eventually receive also.)
Sergio,
Have you completely lost your fucking mind? Have you finally eaten enough pills and swallowed enough booze that your last brain cell fled into the herpes infested night? You are a pathetic moron, and it is my deepest hope that one day you wake up and find the world has left you in a puddle of your own feces and vomit.
I was on track. Doing SO well, and finally proud of myself for being a GOOD single Mom, for not being one of those women who rely on the knight in shining armor to come in and save me. Then you took it all away. Why? What happened? How did you go from wanting to fix our marriage to financially destroying the Mother of your child without so much as an email exchanged between us?
This has been harder than I ever expected. Moving into a home as the only provider for my children, setting us up in this town where we're strangers, being alone every day because my kids come first...and I've fought every step of the way to keep good food on the table, shampoo & soap in the bathrooms, and shoes on my babies feet. There have been days where I've wanted to give up. Just wanted it all to go away because I didn't feel strong enough to face the next mountain, but damn you...I DID IT. Half the time with no car, and 3/4 without a phone. What have you gone without???
Every time I have managed to speak to you, you're coming back from Best Buy, Hatch Cover, Chili's, Rick & Amy's. I haven't once complained. Or called you out for being a selfish son of a bitch. But this takes the cake. You have stolen from my children. Your OWN daughter. And you didn't just screw up Christmas this time.. This time you've screwed it all. It wasn't just money Sergio. It was our LIFE. Our rent, bills, and yes, our Christmas also.
I'm done. I can't even think anymore to write. I think my mind may be taking an unauthorized vacation.
This is a really neat website geared towards directing people who WANT to help, towards those who NEED the help. I'm really going insane because my kitty is still missing, so I'm not going to write a poignant post which will made you froth over with desire to get off your duff & get out there in your neighborhood and FIND someone to help. What I am going to say is, 'Tis the Season'...If we can't find it in our hearts right now to give a little of ourselves to someone more down on their luck that we are..then all hope is lost. Now, I'm going to go bury myself in the kitchen. Banana bread, fudge, & cinnamon candy will help me pass the time until Tigie decides to grace my world with his presence again. And, yes..I'm making this crap to give to someone. There is a church behind my house, and I'm hoping the pastor will help me get it to a soup kitchen somewhere. Don't laugh. Homeless people like cinnamon candy too.
The Notorious Bettie Page. Do you know who she is? Do you know that she has suffered with mental illness her entire life? In her late 50's she was jailed for stabbing her roommate (and 2 other people at an earlier date) while claiming that God told her to do so. Although, with the changes in paparazzi, news, & publications, that little fact is much lesser known by the general public, and came to light after so many had forgotten her already.
Bettie Page (or Betty Page as she was legally known)changed the world of pin-up models. She was the first S&M model, and as such gained the attention of the government. After a ban on such prints, most photos of Bettie during that time were destroyed.
Sometime yesterday, I believe, Ms. Page slipped into a coma. Her time here is almost over, and yet her story is still unknown. "The Real Bettie Page: The Truth about the Queen of Pinups" is an unauthorized account of Bettie's life. Though, more truthful (most believe) than the ones she did approve. It is a dark story, told almost in a way that makes you want to dislike the woman.
How many women go through life with mental illness and nothing is done? Either because they are afraid to speak about their feelings, or because they are unaware that the things they feel aren't normal. Bettie Page was flocked by minders who claimed to have her best interests at heart, yet she was still able to stab a woman 40 times because, 'God told her to'.
That was 40 years ago. Mental illness was much lesser known. And, there was a much larger stigma attached to it. That stigma is still there, and it's our fault. Every time we look at someone and dismiss them as a nut, or a whackjob, or a loon...we are widening the gap. Every woman that hears the words, "You're Crazy!" while she's reeling from emotions even she can't understand, is broken a little bit more. We just took away another chance to help her.
Talk to the people around you. Do you have a friend that you think is dealing with something a little deeper than the usual crap life throws at us? Remind her that your phone works 24/7, Show up at her doorstep with a couple starbucks & a deck of cards, send her an email that doesn't include the header, "FWD". But most of all, simply show her that you have a shoulder for her to cry on and when she says she needs help..Do Something. Don't give up if she does, and she may, hiding and denial are part of the disease. Fight for your friend. You may be the only one doing so.
My kitty is missing. I know, to some, it seems silly to get so upset over an animal. He's a part of my heart though, and it's been a rough couple of days without him. So please, put some of your good wishes in a bubble and send them our way. And, to my Tigie;
I know how much you love the cold baby boy, but Mommy loves you. So, come home and eat. Then you can go play again.
I'm sorry. I seem to have lost my mind. Have you seen it? My sanity maybe? No? OK...well, do you think I could borrow yours? Thanksgiving is over, Christmas is looming, I've got projects piling up left and right that I either don't want to deal with, or I can't deal with, or I'm waiting for the proper go-ahead to deal with..I'd really enjoy putting a match to the thing but I'm afraid I'd set the state on fire. It's that much crap.
Kids have school pageants that require costumes. (Here's an idea..Tell me at HALLOWEEN that my child is going to be a stuffed animal in the play! His teacher hates me.) Turkey #1 needs to be an elf. And, she's like OCD or some shit. She expects perfection. I expect miracles. Somehow, it's going to even out.
I also have a secret project that I've been covertly working on (since last Christmas) that is finally coming to the results stage. Those freakin' results require me to buckle down and do the work, and it's not easy work. I'm immersing myself in my own personal hell all for the sake of what? I'm not sure yet. Maybe nothing. Haha.
I miss you all. I promise I'm slogging through though. If I don't get some of this crap done, the bills won't be paid. The kids refuse to get jobs so I guess it's up to me. Dammit.
Anyway, if you don't hear from me before 2009 please contact the authorities. There's a good chance I'm buried under piles of paperwork, laundry, sewing projects, & notebooks. It might require the jaws of life.
PS. Candy Cane Oreo's are the cure to all that is bad in life. I just had one, and my world is now perfection. Now, I'm going to have 24 more.
Posts
