Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Never gonna keep me down!

This post deserves a soundtrack:

Today started off with the stuff nightmares are made out of. At least for someone who's sole responsibility in life it is to protect and cherish 3 other beings.
I 'saw the light'.... and cried for way too long with my face shoved into a pillow and the door closed. Oh, the looks on my poor dogs faces...

I'm not a pansy though. I'm not a shrinking violet, or a wallflower, or a doormat.
I'm not your bitch! (Sorry Madonna...it's my line now.)
I will come out on top. Again.

The most importing thing is bills, and after taking a good hard look around, I think I've got that figured out. Take THAT,you bastard covered bastard with bastard filling! ;-)
I'd say some smart a$$ comment like, "Next time, try harder!" But, I'm afraid that's askin' for trouble!

Christmas for me is about the happiness that comes from families all being together and going crazy. The look on my nieces & nephews faces as they open their gifts, the crowd, the food, the music...but most of all, it's about the memory we create.
I want my children to have wonderful memories of every Christmas of their lives. Am I pissed that I won't be able to buy them the bad ass gifts I'd planned? Yep. But, I'm not going to allow this unfortunate soul to ruin the time of year where I thrive the most.

We don't need extra money to make a beautiful Christmas memory that my kiddos will cherish forever. All we need is a kitchen, a kind heart, and a walk to the Church behind our house. We've been cooking all afternoon. So far we've made a crapload of fudge, a dozen of the most amazing muffins ever, and cinnamon hard candy. I'm going to keep at it until they get home from school tomorrow and we're going to take baskets to the pastor of the Church. I'm sure there are a few more people in his congregation that he can think of who could use some deliciousness, and no one died last time. (So far as I know!)

While we were waiting for the candy to boil, my oldest and I talked about how difficult things are right now ~ for everybody. She told me about kids at school who still aren't wearing coats, because they have none, and how her friend's Mom just took off and left Dad alone with 5 kids. (I've met them, I had no idea...)
The entire time we worked she talked about her concern for things that shouldn't matter to a 10 year old, and it made me so proud. She sees it too, and she doesn't want to sit around and wait for someone else to fix it. She wants to DO something. I love her so much! She and her brother decided to clean out their closets of things that no longer fit, or they don't need. (We live in TX now...surely we can get rid of half of the 4,374 coats we've got lying around) I won the task of sorting and making sure we don't send any of the less gently used things out.

So again, Screw you Sergio. I've got this situation under control. You knocked me down ~ and it sucked! But you forgot, I'm a Mama. We don't have the option of staying down. We will always find the silver lining, because we have to. And there are little people watching our every move, who do exactly as we do.

Tomorrow, I am going to tear my house apart to find that extra camera. It has to be here somewhere... When we make our trek to the church, I plan to take tons of pictures of the kids dragging their loot to give, and later I'll put together a photo album for the them. When they think back to this Christmas, they'll remember how much fun we're having baking and talking to each other. And, how good it felt to do something for someone else. What they won't remember is Mommy being stressed out and panicked over something that is out of my control.

And, I love you my bloggy friends. The comments and emails I received today were at the same time uplifting, saucy, and hilarious. You guys helped jumpstart my ass out of pity-party mode, and back into gear. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!


ChiTown Girl said...

I'm so happy to see how quickly you've turned things around! Good for you! I know your kids will have a wonderful and blessed Christmas simply because YOU are their mother.

ladyfi said...

Good for you! And you know what - thinking about others even when going through bad times is the true spirit of Christmas. So, good on your kids for realizing that!

And ditto what ChiTown Girl said about you being their mum: I'm sure that they will remember this as a good Christmas!

Rabidparadise said...

Thank you! You know, I really believe 'turning it around' is the key to my sanity. I really can sit around and stew over things, so when that moment of clarity hits, it's important to jump on it!
And, just like with my kids...I felt bad about putting my negative karma out there (blog wise), and felt a need to offset it, which is why I stayed up much later than I should have to get some good mojo on top!

PS. Ladyfi,now I want my kids to call me 'Mum'. I like it, and it makes me feel like I'm in an English cottage surrounded by ivy and honeysuckle...gonna get to work on that ASAP! :D

Washington Cowgirl said...

Don't let the man get you down. Kick him in the...never mind. I'm sure that thought has already crossed your mind (many times).
The best Christmas memory I have growing up is when my folks said that there was a family that needed our help. We ended up giving up a lot of our Christmas so that this family has presents. I'll post the whole story on my blog soon. But I'll remember that Christmas as one of the best ever.
That's what your kids will remember.

Renovation Therapy said...

I can't find a contact email on here, but if you get a second, drop me an email at iloveupstate (at) gmail (dot) com...before noon tomorrow if possible.