Friday, September 19, 2008

From there....To here

That Turkey Cracks Me Up.

There are some days where I feel as though I've been fighting this battle forever. Reality check; it's only been 10 months. 10 months of depression, and anxiety, severe weight loss, pills, doctors, diets, pills, pills, pills..then something snapped and I decided I couldn't take any more pills. Couldn't take the doctors or diets either. Couldn't deal with the X's selfish and destructive behavior any longer. Wasn't going to be a single parent who just happened to also be married. There were too many fights that began with where I needed to cut costs while he stared blankly at the wall with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. And ended with him storming off to spend days on end at "buddies" houses because he couldn't drink & drive on post. Seriously.

On May 1st, I was told that 5 gallons of milk (per week) was too much for a family of 5. Never mind that one of the 5 was an 18 month old baby. Or that my diet included 3 servings of Carnation Instant Breakfast per day. Made with milk. Or that 50% of the dishes we prepared included generous helpings of....yougotit! Milk. No. That was too much. I (very quietly & calmly) told him that he'd just hit the brick wall. We were over as soon as I figured out a way to get my family out of Colorado (where we moved because he was stationed @ Ft. Carson) and back to my "home" state of Texas. On May 29th, I packed the car with nothing but the kids, dog, cat, and a promise from the X that he would have our 'stuff' sent to me through the military's moving company. (A failed promise, I might add)

Since then I was able to find us a home in a quiet little town outside of Ft. Worth. Close enough to the crazaziness that is DF-Dub that I don't feel too isolated, but far enough away that I don't have drug dealers living next door to me posing as Insurance Salesmen. Or something.
Yesterday, another huge hurdle was jumped when I received wheels to chauffeur my Turkeys around in. I have a fully stocked kitchen, my bills are paid (well, sorta...I say paid, I mean; they have been dealt with in an adult like and appropriate manner...they'll be paid soon) kids are clothed, bathed, groomed, loved & reminded on a daily basis that I'm the Alpha Dog in this Disney Movie!

Basically, it's all coming along. There are days where I feel like it's helpless. I can't do this because I'm not strong, smart, resourceful, driven, enough. But then days like today happen, and while it's far from idyllic, this is my Tranquility. And, I thank God for getting me through the dark days. When I'm alone, and I feel like everyone has forgotten that we're still here. We're struggling and I need you. He's there.

That makes all the difference in the World.

No comments: