Friday, October 10, 2008

Jekyll & Hyde

Yesterday, as I was breezing through my day with naught a care in the world (hehehe) I got an email from the X.

X: "Hey can you call me please? It's really important"
Queen Mommy: "Nope. Sorry. Only have email at the moment as my phone is on the fritz...whats up?"
X: "It's too much to write. Just call when you can"
QM: "You ok?"
X "Yes"

So, a few hours later, I gave him a call. He did this "hold on, hold on" routine where I could hear him scrambling in the midst of the barracks to get somewhere private to talk. I'm almost positive I heard a joke directed at him about his current sex life, which sounded quite optimistic for him!

He finally gets somewhere semi-quiet and this is what he had to say,
"Um, I don't remember what I needed to talk to you about...(insert much hemming & hawing here)...oh yea, do you think you could meet me halfway between there and here in a couple weeks so I can see Corrina? I'll pay for your gas and a hotel room for the weekend. No cute stuff...we'll get two beds"

What? You haven't so much as asked about her in 5 months. Now you want me to drive for 6 hours with a child who doesn't even know who you are anymore? You're insane man. Go back to the bar...have another drink.
I should have said that. Instead I said that I would think about it.
Of course, as with everything else in my life, this isn't an easy decision. If I go, I take the risk of leaving with a broken heart. Not because I have expectations, those have been gone for some time. But, because I don't want to feel what I felt before I left him. I don't want that ache in my chest that makes it difficult to breathe. I don't want to cry all the way back home because I know my marriage is over. I've already been through that. I cried for 12 of a 13 hour trip. Basically, if I wasn't stopped at a gas station or rest stop...I was bawling. Why do it to myself again?

Well, here's why. The kid. This man and I created her together. She has a right to know him. To love him, and maybe she can help him.
Maybe she can't. Maybe this is all BS, and he's going to bail in a week or two anyway. Maybe I'm getting all discombobulated and screwy in the head for no reason.
But, what if he puts her in his car and drives away? What rights to I have? None. At least, none that will get her back immediately. If that's his plan, then I'm willing to bet there are already plane tickets purchased to get him to PA as fast as he can. And, yes...there is an airport in the town he wants to meet in.
My Mom wants me to go...but, take my Dad.

I sent him an email asking if he would prefer to fly into DF-Dub...I can pick him up from there and he can stay at my house for the weekend. That way, he has no vehicle to take off with her in, and his only ride back to the airport would be me or a $60 taxi-cab (which would be hella easy to stop if he tried to run with the kid...suckers have dispatch. So do cops.)
I didn't get much sleep last night for thinking about this. Totally threw me for a loop. I hate loops.


ChiTown Girl said...

Good Lord, Girl! That's a hell of a loop you've been thrown for, isn't it!? Sheesh, I wish I had some words of wisdom. Obviously, I don't know you guys well enough to know if he really would pull a stunt like that, but if it even crossed your mind, it must be possible, huh? I like the idea of him flying in to you. The ticket couldn't possibly cost as much as the gas you would have used driving! I hope it all works out. I'll say an extra prayer or two for you this weekend. :) said...

I don't have kids, but saw my sister through a similar situation. It was confusing for the kids when they were under the same roof. If you let him stay, or you share a hotel you're setting up a situation that may confuse the kids, hurt you and be awkward to not repeat going forward. It's warm down there, point him to a camp ground...